As some of you know, Dash has not been living with me for the past few months. Due to his separation anxiety, I have not been able to leave him alone in the apartment without the neighbors complaining about his barking. Which has put me on the favorites list of the neighbors. Especially the one who complained to my landlord.
As I type this, I look at his little crate that holds his little blanket. On top is his toy box, stuffed with his favorite squeaky toys.
Dash has been living with my parents. He does extraordinarily well in their home. He is a confident dog, much less anxious, and overall seems happier. When I come home he immediately becomes the hyper, anxious dog once again. He is so obsessed with me, what I’m doing and where I am. He cannot take his eyes off of me.
It’s a true feeling of failure on my part. We have done training classes together. We did agility together. I don’t baby him. I try hard to be a good “pack leader.” Except at my apartment, there really is no pack. It’s just the two of us. And when I leave, it’s just him. At my parents, there is usually someone always around. The house bustles, people come and go. He has no issues with sleeping in his little bed. He occupies himself by chewing on a bone. He lives for playing ball with my dad.
My apartment feels so empty without him. When I walk outside and see people walking their dogs, I literally feel a tug on my heart.
And part of me gets angry. Angry that I can’t have a “normal” dog where I can go run to the supermarket without it being this traumatic ordeal. Angry that I have to see him completely melt down when he realizes that I’m leaving. And angry that he’s at my parents because he’s my dog. My responsibility. And my parents are caring for him instead of me.
At this point, I feel utterly helpless. I created this website because of Dash and because I truly love being a dog owner. If I knew what would work…if I knew what would make him happy, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Dogs really are like kids in that they come with a personality and traits that you can try and work with, but they are their own little beings. It’s not you…it’s him, and he’s so blessed to have you loving him despite his acute separation anxiety.
See, he just knows how special you are…. Love, Robin
I had the same problem!!!!
Research on the problem gave me many many solutions to try, some which helped a little, and some which were completely useless.
We did a lot of training, I found someone else’s house to leave him at some days, and eventually I caved in and bought an electric shock collar after the citronella and ultrasonic versions didn’t work. That helped a little. He only had to be shocked once or twice to get the point (and I think it probably gave me more mental anguish than actual pain for my pup). But if the battery wore out…well, let’s just say I came home to nasty notes at my door more than once! Leaving him in the kennel stressed him out, but not putting him in the kennel made for some interesting destruction.
My dog would not be the most adoptable if I were to give him up, and I honestly loved him too much to try very hard. He was messed up from birth- and unfair though it might be, completely not at fault for his neuroses. Born in a puppy mill, sold at 5 weeks, basically ignored in a cage until 12 weeks, when he was given to a rescue kennel. Then my ex and I adopted him, and well… the dog has long outlasted that guy.
The shock collar was probably one of the toughest decisions I had to make, but I firmly believe I made the right choice. My dog was able to stay in a loving home where he is walked at least 4 times per day, given high quality food, spoiled with toys & chewies, taken to the park & plenty of other places, and generally just LOVED.
We don’t use the shock collar anymore. Eventually it extinguished the barking behavior, but it didn’t alleviate the separation anxiety. It’s still an issue to this day, and he’s now 4.5. It just doesn’t bother my neighbors, so we can work it out on our pace.
The biggest help for my pupper’s separation anxiety? I got another dog. Not sure if we were going to really be able to handle/tolerate another dog on a full time basis, I decided to foster. BEST DECISION EVER. Sure, having 2 dogs has been a little harder on the carpet and the pocketbook, but it has cut down on whining and destruction and general anxiety. Now sulls doesn’t try to sneak out with me as soon as my keys start to rattle. He follows me to the hallway, watches me grab my purse & keys, and then as I close the door (slowly now), I can see him turn back into the living room to hang out with his sister. Life isn’t perfect over here, but it’s better, and we’re happy.
Good luck! I can tell from reading how much you really do love Dash.
Thank you so, so much for your comments. You both made me feel a little better.
I’ve thought a lot about getting another dog, simply because it’s the only thing that I HAVEN’T tried yet. Fostering is such a good idea! I think when I move to another place (my landlord wouldn’t allow another dog) I’ll do it.
I have to tell you I had the exact same problem. I had a German Shorthaired Pointer that was my baby. We struggled with seperation anxiety for about 8 years. It came in waves, sometimes we were able to manage it, other times it was out of control. Towards the end my dog was doing more harm to himself, we would come home to a bloddy mess because he would dig so hard into the floors. I was fortunate enough to be able to have him live with my mother for the last 3 year of his life. His anxiety was completely udner control there- although there were times it was bad it never reached the level it did with us. My mom and her vet did keep him on medication, after trying a variety of things, Xanax seemed to work the best. The funny thing is when I would go home to visit, he would become obsessed me too. He would sleep in bed with me and follow me around and it would take him a week to get back to his old self after I left.
I don’t think its your fault. Just like some people have issues, some dogs have issues and sometimes they need a different environment. If you do decide to own a dog again, I would sugguest looking to make sure the breed is not prone to anxiety, as there are some breeds out there like GSPs that are.
I think you are very lucky to have been able to find another place for your dog to live where you still get to see him.
Good Luck.
Thank you so much for your thoughts. It really helps to hear from people who “get it” and know how heartbreaking it is to deal with this issue. Dash does exactly the same thing when I go to visit my parents now – he becomes me obsessed and it takes a little while after I’m gone for him to relax.